Look! New kicks!
Ok, so I’m that sad individual that gets wayyy too excited over shoes. But these shoes are special.
If you owned a pair, your life would change.
These particular shoes have the power to convert an increasingly fat and sedentary jac back into trim, strong and healthy jac. Just you wait and see!
Why, wearing them for the very first time, they propelled me ‘round town at a startlingly fast walk in the hot sun for about 2.5 miles – even prompting me to pee myself a couple times when I broke into a jog. Note to self: bigger, fat boobs mean you must wear an extra sports bra while jogging until you can wear said flabby knockers back down to normal size by getting heathy again. (Women lose weight first in their faces and boobs, did you know that?)